I was browsing Facebook with my first cup of coffee for the day this morning, as one does, when I saw the above picture of Kim Kardashian and nearly gagged on my coffee.
The picture is from a scene in the latest episode of Kim and Courtney take Miami, where Kim is having a ‘blood‘ or ‘vampire‘ facial. The process involves taking blood from the victim’s..erm.. I mean.. patient’s arm, whirling it in a machine to spin-out the platelets making a gelatinous material, which is then applied into the skin with tiny acupuncture sized needles. Ouch! Apparently, the procedure (and cost to the hip pocket) is rather painful.
The first question I thought to myself is ‘WHY?’. Why would you put yourself through agony and at a huge expense just to erase a few fine lines? At 32, I would hardly think Kim K has wrinkles. I’m sure botox has helped with that (Kim has admitted to using botox in the past). I wonder what else Kim has done to herself in the name of beauty? I would hate to think.
If injecting your blood platelets into your face doesn’t work for you, there are a few other scary beauty treatments out there at the moment. If you are scared of knives and sharp blades, dermaplaning wouldn’t be for you either. The top layers of your skin is literally shaved off. Although, Dermaplaning removes the dead cells and is less abrasive than microdermabrasion and is faster. I have heard both are incredibly painful and your face takes a few weeks to heal. Both procedures don’t really entice me to be honest.
If the thought of someone planing away your epidermis with a blade fills you with fear, may we suggest the hair-braiding face-lift. Four tightly braided cornrows from the temple and brow temporarily lift the eye area, cheeks and forehead. Some claim Madonna has been doing it for years. Someone on the web posted, “It hurts like bejesus and makes your hair look like Coolio in Dangerous Minds.” To get your face to stay permanently pulled back, wouldn’t you need cornrows forever? And really, would want to look like Bo Derek from the 70s in the infamous vision of Bo running on a beach with her cornrow braids? Wouldn’t a regular ponytail do the same thing, ie pulling your face taut, without hurting so much? Hmm the mind boggles.
After contemplating why anyone put themselves through a world of pain in the name of beauty, I recalled I had recently tried ‘threading’ on my eye brows.
Being the naive girl that I am, I was totally unprepared for the pain that is threading. Threading is a hair removal method in which the beauty therapist removes hairs with crossed over threads that look like dental floss. I’m not sure if it was the therapist or the fact that my overly busy schedule lately had left me with eyebrows resembling Bert from Sesame Street’s eye brows but OMG it stung! And because it is done hair by hair and not a quick rip like waxing, it went on for what seemed like forever! Suffice to say, I will be heading back to my local Benefit Brow Bar to get my brows done from now on. At least waxing is quick and relatively painless!
Other painful beauty blunders I have had are:
- a bad reaction to Clearasil in my teens. My face was bright red and I couldn’t go to school for two days! My face literally felt like it was on fire!
- Waxing my legs with a well known brand of wax strips you warm up in your hands. On the tv ad it looks so easy, you go to a party, get a strip out of the bag, wax your legs in a few minutes and Bam! perfect legs. Ohh nooo, not with this little redhead duck. Bruised legs, ahoy! It took two weeks for the bruising to disappear.
- Having mastered my Emjoi “gently”* epilator on my legs, I tried my under arms. Not a good idea if your hairs are a longer than a mm long. Bruising, blood blisters and the inability to move my arms or wear a top without pain ensued for a week afterwards. I would hate to think of what would happen if I used it on my lady parts. *shudders in terror*
- burning my finger and ears several times on my hair straightener. You would think one would work out how to use a straightener without burning oneself, wouldn’t you? Nope, not me!
Other than those painful (and I admit, totally unco) instances, there is no way I would do anything extreme for beauty. You won’t see horse tranquiliser (botox) being injected into my face (who knows what effects it could have long term?), a scalpel cutting my skin, lasers, acid… whatever the latest fad in beauty is.
I would rather look after myself on the inside with good food, water, exercise and have it show through my skin and looking after my skin with a decent skin care routine (especially using an SPF30 moisturiser during the day), rather than go through all that scary stuff. Why can’t one age gracefully?
As a lady said on Facebook “It must be a hard life being so insecure with your own self and looks to have to go to such extremes to make yourself feel better about yourself”, I have to agree with her. What happened to going to a beauty salon and having your nails, hair, a clarifying facial and maybe some hair removed and feeling like a new woman? All that was needed was some pampering to make ourselves feel good.
How many gorgeous looking stars have had plastic surgery and look shocking now? Why are these gorgeous ladies so insecure within themselves that they go to the lengths they do to remain ‘beautiful’? Who wants to look like a plastic person? Isn’t the fact that we are all different add beauty and interest to the world? You can’t tell me that having a face that doesn’t move, barracouta lips, wide set eyes, cheek implants and a puffy face is attractive? If you look through a collection of celebrities who have had plastic surgery, it is scary how similar they all look!
Yes, we are talking about you, Donatella! Why do you now look like one of the muppets?
* “gently” my butt! Ripping hairs out with hundreds of little electronic tweezers is not gentle!